I love this Car
by Soundwave 0107
Summary: Soundwave is having a lot of fun, to say the least. Two-shot, written for the LOLz XD Enjoy! :D Second chapter on popular demand
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: Written for fun/crack/WTF potential XD**

**Contains slight spoilers for Dark of the Moon. I saw the film, actually. Pretty awesome :D **

**Anyway, if spoilers are your bane, avoid this fic till you watch DOTM or something. If you don't mind them, then, hey, you'll find out if you read on XD**

**Enjoy :D**

Certainly, there were positives to this mission of his. Well, more of a single positive to be exact, but a positive nevertheless.

Soundwave, still and patient as always, parked next to the massive centre that belonged to his convenient little minion, patiently awaited the return of the human female, designated Carly Brooks-Spencer. His alternate form was flawless to his mission; a silver Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG, a renowned vehicle among the insects. The Decepticon was posing as the female's 'gift' from her boss. Soundwave never really did bother himself with human customs and emotions, but he imagined the female was very pleased of the handsome vehicle in her possession.

And he himself was certainly not objecting to this new mission, courtesy of Lord Megatron. Not only was it convenient to their cause, it was convenient for him.

At last, the female saw fit to leave the insect hive, strolling out of the front doors towards her new ride, confident yet collected, wearing a simple white dress of sorts. Soundwave's scanners focused on her, observing the human as she strolled towards him, scanning every last strand of DNA and hair follicle. Her importance to Operation: Pillar was her relationship with none other then Megatron's murderer; Sam Witwicky. With her, the Decepticons could ultimately bring the boy into being their puppet against the Autobots. But for now, patience and timing was required.

The female removed his vehicle mode's key from the purse draped around her left shoulder and clicked the unlock button; maintaining his disguise, he unlocked his doors in response with an appropriate click for confirmation, and allowed the girl to open the right door, swinging it upwards before promptly entering the vehicle with a small sigh, settling herself on the leather seat, then pulling it back down, dumping her purse on the other seat.

As the girl readied herself by pulling the seatbelt across her frame, Soundwave allowed himself to indulge in the reason his new mission was a positive one; he allowed himself to _feel_.

The leather padding of his seats came alive in a net of advanced sensors, measuring every ounce of pressure and weight distribution and he could feel the soft mass of the femme upon him, a soft warmth emanating from her mammalian structure that soothed the temperature sensors of his network, the rounded curves of her behind settling so comfortably into him; he could trace every contour of her, could feel her back, soft, straight, the length of her spine, could feel the golden locks of her hair tickling against his frame, like a breeze of wind. Even his seat-belt held low-grade scanning systems, and they traced across the female's firm torso and lap. He could feel her, really feel her, and she felt _ wonderful. _Certainly, she was a human insect, but Soundwave could appreciate her. Indeed, he could...

A turn of the key and his engine rumbled to life with a pleased whine, steadying out into the low purr of idle animation as his systems switched to a manual code, allowing her the honour of 'driving', but ready for him to influence should he need to, of course.

Her belt safely in place, the girl placed one hand on his steering wheel, and his sensors instantly worshipped the soft warm touch of her flesh skin on their sensitive network, while the other hand gripped his gear stick (The Decepticon restrained himself from purring with eons of patience) and, firmly, shifted it into first gear, before joining the other appendage in holding his steering wheel as her shoe-clad feet pressed on his pedals. With a rumble, he shifted away from the pavement and onto the road, and Carly sighed softly as she drove him, naturally content in the wonderfully comfortable leather that supported her so nicely, curved as if it had been designed for her specifically to sit in it.

Admittedly, she loved this car. It wasn't the magnificent Camaro that was her Sam's Bumblebee, of course, but still good. Awesome, really.

Soundwave's systems scanned constantly, in case of foolish drivers or other obstacles and threats, while his communications systems, fire-walled and encrypted against any Autobots, was ready in case Megatron contacted him, while his physical sensors focused all attention on the female within him; Allspark, she had such a wonderful frame, curves and feminine delicacy, with toned thighs and a sleek torso. Had fate been kind enough that she had been born a Cybertronian rather then a primitive human, he imagined she'd be one to cause even Shockwave to overheat in awe.

Considering the emotionless attitude and logical nature of the cyclops, that was saying something.

As it was, Soundwave revelled in the girl's feel, and he could definitely say that, once Operation: Pillar succeeded and Earth was theirs, she would be his. He was enjoying her too much, admittedly, to let her rejoin her kind as the mass of slaves for the Decepticons.

Carly shifted in her seat slightly, the friction causing a spike of pleasurable warmth that surged from his sensors to his core processor, in a soothing rub of gentleness. Allspark, it felt good. Soundwave hadn't felt this pleased since he downloaded every piece of interesting information from the corpse of a deceased Dreadwing. Information was always a bonus, a joy, for him, but it was not at all comparing with the bonus of allowing this female to indulge herself in him, so to speak. The simple knowledge that she knew of the Autobots and Decepticons, yet did not know him, only made this masquerade more fun for him.

His internal motion tracker then detected her hand delicately shifting over to the small button that controlled an important and specialised function of his. If he were in robot form, Soundwave would have grinned (Well, if he could grin with his faceplate). That little button happened to activate the vehicle's... massage feature, typically placed in the more elaborate and upper-class vehicles of human society to relax the driver. Evidently, the female had undergone a hard day.

Well, all the better to help her unravel.

Button was pressed, and the disguised Decepticon went into action.

Carly let out an appreciative cross of a sigh and a moan as her seat slowly vibrated, rumbling ever so slightly to produce a constant flurry of movement, the leather seat's inner mechanics working swiftly and competently, as always of him. The girl's body shuddered under the rapid movements, designed to stimulate and relax, and Soundwave was enjoying her reactions, feeling her warm softness shuddering under his effect. Knowing that she was softly sighing under his manipulations sent thrills of joy through him. His seat continued to vibrate, drawing out the sense of pleasure in the girl's mind, allowing her muscles to loosen in relaxation, and Soundwave lapped up every little reaction of hers, storing all the feelings and sensations of his in a special file in his personal hard-drive, for future reminiscence.

Every single minute rumble of his seat made her feel good, and her own movements made him feel good. It was a mutual benefit, and she didn't even know it. Amusing.

The Mercedes admired the female's concentration; despite his massage in place, she maintained focus on the road, never drifting off, always wary and not missing the human traffic lights. And now, believe it or not, Soundwave's scanners picked up none other then the Autobot hunter, Barricade.

The police car was idly parked on a nearby pavement near a larger building, watching the cars go pass, maintaining his illusion as an officer of human law. He'd been stationed here by Starscream to keep an eye on the hidden NEST facility in the area, following Autobots and such, to find out any decent information. He promptly detected Soundwave and gave a subtle flash of his headlight in greeting, which Soundwave returned. However, spotting his fellow Decepticon lead to the Communications Officer developing a naughty idea.

Quickly, he accessed the file that detailed all of the pleasured reactions of his human, the feeling of her on his seat, the sensors measuring every part of her, detecting her warmth, her softness. Encrypting the file within a communications signal, Soundwave extended a link to Barricade (As well as Starscream, for the sake of it), detailing file passage, which the police cruiser (And the jet) accepted and opened.

With an air of unfathomable smugness, Soundwave posted the file.

As Carly drove further away from the police car, the Mercedes awaited the reaction of his fellow Decepticons. And it came.

The Saleen's engine came to life with an angry and jealous roar, sirens activating in a high-pitched scream, but by this time, the Mercedes had already vanished behind a building, out of the police car's range, just as the Decepticon's second-in-command, also quite angered, contacted Soundwave with:

_"What the slag, Soundwave! Why are you sending me this? What the f-"_

_"Jealous?"_

_"Frag no, you disgusting flesh-lover! You make me sick! I'm telling Megatron!" _

_"Confirmation; received. Starscream; jealous."_

_"Damn you, you piece of-"_

Soundwave, with half of his mission done, feeling pretty pleased with himself, promptly severed and blocked the communications with Starscream, and now turned his attention to the internal communications being sent to him that truly depicted how Barricade felt right now.

_"You cocky pile of slag! You think you're good, flaunting your little pet around?"_

_"Soundwave does not think he is good; Soundwave KNOWS."_

_"Frag you. You're just her dumb gift-car, you pathetic suck-up. If she knew the truth, she'd have the Autobots rip you apart. You're not good; you're just dumb-lucky."_

_"Barricade; jealous."_

_"I AM NOT JEALOUS OF SOME COMPUTER ON LEGS CARTING AROUND A FLESH-BAG!"_

_"Confirmation; received. Barricade; jealous."_

_"I'm not jealous of YOU, Soundwave. Don't make me get Shockwave in here to prove you wrong!"_

_"Shockwave is currently performing his assignment. Interruption over petty jealousy; inadvisable." _

_"You smug little scrap. I'll take your sonic cannons and shove them up your exhaust pipes!"_

_"Judging by reactions, Soundwave has a conclusion; Barricade is jealous. Soundwave knows what the femme likes. Barricade does not."_

_"You know what, Soundwave? FRAG YOU!"_

_"Vulgarity; defence of the weak mind."_

_"ARGH-"_

Soundwave promptly severed communications with the angered hunter, chuckling inwardly, even more smug now. If there was one thing better then carrying around this wonderfully soft female, it was carrying her AND taunting his fellow Decepticons over their lack of comfy drivers. Settling back down into idle contemplation, he continued monitoring the environment and his driver- Mostly his driver.

She had good grip, he had to admit. His steering wheel appreciated the firm pressure of her hands, and every tilt of his gear stick earned a soft purr from his engine. It was definitely without doubt that Barricade was jealous of the fact that Soundwave had the pleasure of transporting the fine specimen as part of the larger plan.

The boy, Sam Witwicky, was a lucky man, admittedly.

The girl gave a soft sigh, that his audio sensors absorbed eagerly, his massage feature still in play. Allspark, he could do this for hours and hours on end; just relaxing the girl, feeling her soft little reactions under his unknown touch, providing her with his convenient assistance. This was far better then gathering information in space, definitely.

Settling back into the routine of simply feeling her, Soundwave relaxed for a few minutes, before his com link buzzed. He was not surprised that it was Megatron who contacted him, undoubtedly Starscream's tattle at work. Soundwave opened the channel for the third time today:

_"Soundwave."_

_"Soundwave acknowledges."_

_"Starscream says you sent him distasteful information for no reason at all. Is that true?"_

_"Starscream; childish. Information; good."_

_"Humph. Let's see the file then, Soundwave. What worked up the little sycophant so much?"_

_"File; prepared. Link established."_

_"File accepted. Let's see what we have here..."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Soundwave, I never knew you had it in you! Ha ha, no wonder Starscream is bitching like a youngling on high-grade!"_

_"Soundwave; superior, Starscream; inferior."_

_"True, true. Good work, Soundwave. Keep to the plan and don't get too distracted."_

_"Affirmative. And the file?"_

_"Yes, the file, um... pretty good, Soundwave. I'll, er, talk to you later. Megatron out."_

Communications were severed, and Soundwave restrained a chuckle. Indeed, his Master always knew that Soundwave was the best at yielding any information required. Smugly, the Mercedes closed down all communication channels for a little privacy, his mission in showing up the other two Decepticons complete.

And now, the girl parked outside her home, gave a small sigh and laid back in her chair, content to just sit here for a while and relax. Soundwave liked that.

Oh yes, this mission was a very positive one.

**Author's Notes: ROFLMAO XD**

**Silly and perverted, sure, but fun as hell :D Oh, Soundwave, you sly son of a glitch.**

**Now you know why Megs listened to Carly XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: Popular demand for a new chapter in work LOL**

**Beware of spoilers, just in case XD**

**Enjoy!**

As always, Soundwave was waiting patiently, this time outside the lustrous mansion of his liaison, the human named Dylan Gould. He was parked around the side of the building, along with several non-Cybertronian vehicles, all of them, as defined by human terms, fancy. Gould was hosting a party for some reason or other, and Soundwave's own Carly Brooks-Spencer was participating. Laserbeak was within the structure, hidden wherever there were shadows, transmitting occasional visual and audio date cues for the Mercedes to overlook.

So far, everything was calm and quiet. But it was not to last.

Of course, the Decepticon was not surprised to detect the approach of a substantially lesser-class and very ill-repaired car, yellow with black stripes, containing none other then the boy, Sam Witwicky. Scans indicated subdued bodily reactions to symptoms of stress, worry and forced calm. Soundwave understood immediately that the boy was here to retrieve his girlfriend. According to the last messages from the Dreads, before their termination, the foolish male had undergone a stroke of genius in deducing Sentinel's role of an Autobot-in-distress and targeted by Decepticons. Of course, Sentinel was actually a traitor, but still. Credit to smarts.

And now, Witwicky wanted to get Carly to safety, knowing the Decepticons were plotting something big, bigger then merely drawing in troops through a bridge. Of course, the fool had no idea how well the Decepticons had prepared for this, and Soundwave would have smirked if he were in robot form. Megatron's planning, his own work and Shockwave's back-up strategies had all come together, and the Earth was a few steps away from being in their grasp.

Like a shadow, Laserbeak flew out of a window into the sky, ready to descend. The reason was obvious; the boy had convinced young Carly to leave, and they were now making their way out of the building.

_"The two have an even better reason to retreat. Gould gave the game away." _The assassin hissed over their com-link, clearly annoyed by their human partner's lack of subtlety. _"Shall I intercept myself, or do you wish to?"_

_"I shall handle this." _Soundwave replied, unlocking his doors at the familiar click of his vehicle mode's keys.

The two humans were quite panicky, the boy somewhat rushed and fearful, the girl merely wary and perhaps nervous. Soundwave was torn between familiar comfort at his female's return, and indignation of the wretched boy in his driver's seat. Manual systems activating, the Decepticon grudgingly allowed the male control, comforting himself in the retribution so close at hand, and was driven forward. Sam made a turn, and the Mercedes complied-

_"Commence intimidation." _Soundwave rumbled, and Laserbeak cackled.

With a twist of mechanics, Soundwave transformed, his inner body forcibly ejecting the humans out of him and into the air as he twisted into robot form, his arms catching the ground, coordinating a brilliant spin, before landing in front of the grounded, panicking humans, metallic jaws lowering in a fearsome, detached growl, red optics and headlights flashing as the speakers on his forearms alit with crackling energy.

The boy struggled back, horrified, yet somewhat ready, prepared from previous experience with attacking Decepticons. However, Soundwave focused his primary attention onto the female, whom was crawling backwards, utter fear on her face, having never seen such a brutal creature up close.

Soundwave took a precious second to admire his little pet with his own robotic optics; her horrified terror was utterly delicious over her shocked face, eyes wide, mouth agape in shock. She was clad in a sparkling purple dress that swept over her left shoulder, a subtle piece of clothing with a nice sense of class, and it did not hide her admittedly well-toned legs. Such a perfect little femme, beautiful by her people's standards. And intoxicating to the communications officer.

Satisfied with his intimidation and display of power, Soundwave moved in for his prey, taking a step forward as the girl, still crawling back, desperately attempting to shield herself with one raised arm, screaming in fear as the larger being closed in, and Soundwave took pleasure in his words, words that rang with truth and strength:

_"You're mine!"_

His hand closed around her torso, always so soft and warm, and hauled her up. She was powerless against him, and the mech almost shuddered in the thrill of his utter superiority over her. The boy let out a fruitful scream: "NO!", and moved forwards, but he was too slow. Twisting and turning, Soundwave transformed back into vehicle mode, his pet forcibly shoved into his reforming seat, his doors slamming shut, trapping her within his vehicle form. His seatbelt wasted no time in slinging around, preventing any large-scale movement of her.

The boy moved towards the Mercedes, unsure of what to do, turning his head towards the mansion and yelling: "Help!". He knew he had no way to combat the Decepticon, but he was motivated by Carly's desperate screams: "Sam, I can't get out!"

She struggled against his door, but Soundwave remained locked and immobile, perfectly content to simply enjoy her wonderful frame against his seat, to enjoy the fear and helplessness of the foolish male. There was nothing the boy could do to help her, and he knew it, and Soundwave knew it.

Carly belonged to Soundwave now.

Gould and some other humans took this time to appear, the liaison eager to deploy his little speech to Witwicky, while Laserbeak flew downwards onto the fountain, hissing sadistically at the outnumbered human. Soundwave preferred to ignore Dylan's words, having heard him practice said speech enough times, and chose instead to focus his attention on his little Carly.

The girl was whimpering now, completely understanding that she was trapped inside a Decepticon, and Soundwave's engine gave a low purr as her fear washed over his audio sensors, her previous struggling descended into an almost painful stillness. The Mercedes gave another purr at the wonderful comforting feeling of her, her warmth spreading through his sensory network like a bountiful dose of energy. But now that he had revealed his true form to the girl, he felt it fitting to show her what other tricks he had in store.

Panels flipped open on the front of his vehicle form, and the Decepticon extended his probes, long tentacle-like appendages, generally designed for rapid hacking, infiltration and whipping limbs in combat. With unbridled enthusiasm in witnessing her reaction, Soundwave manoeuvred his limbs through the open windows of his vehicle mode, and he felt Carly stiffened in a forcibly restrained horror as she noted the new threat, the girl sinking back into the seat in a pitiful attempt to try and get distance between herself and the probes, and Soundwave shuddered slightly as her warm body pressed into his seat. Carly was always such a comfort to him.

_"Enjoying yourself, Soundwave?"_

_"Profusely. Maintain focus on the conversation. She is mine."_

_"Hehehehe, of course."_

As his minion exited the communications link, Soundwave returned focus to his pet. She seemed almost frozen, breathing slowly, minute whimpers escaping her. The car relished her soft sounds, almost pleading. Pleading for _him. _His probes hovered around the girl, extending sharp spikes to give an illusion of harm and danger, but always careful. Such a fragile wonder had to be treated carefully, gently. The girl whimpered as one probe dared to gently caress at a few loose strands of her hair, the sensors eagerly divulging the exact feeling. As always with his female, it was soft and wispy, comforting. Very comforting.

Soundwave could do anything to her. _Anything_. Kill her, hurt her, feel her, love her. He held absolute power over this human. But he was generous to her feelings, always patient and reserved, and deleted more primitive thoughts in favour of merely enjoying her company, so to speak. Such a delightful pet; soft, warm, intoxicating to the sensors, so fearful, so _submissive-_

"Soundwave." Dylan's voice rang out, a cross between amusement and slight annoyance. "Please."

Evidently, the foolish Witwicky had taken offence to what he perceived as "tentacle rape" and had protested about it. Frustrated by these interruptions to this moment, Soundwave retracted his probes, though allowing one to stroke at her cheek. The girl flinched, and the Mercedes restrained a chuckle. Always so delicate, Carly was.

Of course, the lingering feeling of frustration at these interruptions prompted a naughty idea. Copying the present situation into a file, his feelings of power, her fear, her soft warm touch, their closeness, Soundwave opened a link to Starscream, disguising the file as a report on the operation of forcing Witwicky to act as their puppet. Starscream would not be so foolish to accept a file at random again, hence the disguise.

Internally smirking to himself, Soundwave requested Starscream overview the file, which the jet accepted. A feeling of unfathomable smugness presenting itself, he posted the file.

Barely a few seconds later:

_"Wha- WHAT THE SLAG, SOUNDWAVE? AGAIN?"_

_"Soundwave: Superior."_

_"NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, no- You sick freak! You utter scrap-heap! Why do you send me this?"_

_"Jealous?"_

_"FU- NO! SHUT UP! I'm telling Megatron! A-and Shockwave! And Sentinel!"_

_"Tattle-tale."_

_"Slag you!"_

Soundwave waited, taking the time to activate his massage feature, feeling the girl tense up at the sudden vibrations, before slowly relaxing into it. Even knowledge of her car being a Decepticon did not degrade the magnificent potency of a massage. No point leaving her all tense and bothered; his pet deserved the best. As the girl shuddered into a cautious idleness, Megatron, Shockwave and the traitor presented themselves.

_"What happened now, Starscream?"_

_"Panic; illogical."_

_"I'm not panicking! Soundwave has been sending me crap again!"_

_"Crap; incorrect. Brilliant; correct._

_"FU-"_

_"Shut up, Starscream, you half-wit. Get out of this conversation."_

_"I hope your soldiers aren't all like him."_

_"We would have lost the war had they been."_

_"Well done stating the obvious, Shockwave. Alright, Soundwave, what did you do this time?"_

_"Uploading file."_

_"Another one? Oh joy- I mean, let's see."_

Soundwave allowed the other three to download the file, and waited. A few seconds later:

_"What? What is this, I don't even know."_

_"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Great job, Soundwave! You've outdone yourself this time. Oh, Allspark, this is priceless."_

_"Desire for human female; illogical. Short life-span and decreased optimal condition due to aging leads to nothing but petty whims. Your pursuit of a pet is foolish, Soundwave."_

_"Shockwave: foolish. Enjoy life as it comes."_

_"Such a statement is easily argued with-"_

_"I didn't invent a physics-defying time and space teleportation network to listen to you two arguing over the philosophy of cross-species relations."_

_"Enough banter. Shockwave, go back to whatever you were doing. Sentinel, Soundwave can do as he pleases. And Soundwave-"_

_"Yes?"_

_"-Well done. Keep up the good work."_

_"Affirmative. And the file?"_

_"Um... pretty good. I'll, er, talk to you later. Megatron out."_

_"..."_

_"..._

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"You Decepticons are weird."_

_"Jealous?"_

_"Shut up."_

Cheerfully, Soundwave shut down communications, returning focus to the present situation. During this time, Dylan had successfully placed the watch-drone on the Witwicky boy, and sent him on his way, cheerfully demeaning a death threat at the same time. Carly watched Sam go, helplessness in her expression, unable to do anything while stuck in this car, silently pleading for something, anything, to help her.

Deciding to calm her little fears, Soundwave redirected vocal transmissions through his speakers, and stated calmly: "Worry; unnecessary. Eradication of humanity is not the objective."

The girl tensed, surprised by his voice emanating around her, but managed to regain enough wit to hiss: "You're still trying to take over the planet!"

"Taking over does not require annihilation, occasionally." The Mercedes replied. "Relax. You shall come to no harm."

"You'll regret this. Optimus revived Sentinel. Sam told me that Optimus Prime could beat three of you freaks by himself. You're not going to do so well against _two_ Primes!"

She currently seemed spurred by hope, faith in the mighty Primes and their combat prowess. And, Allspark above, a trace of smugness had fought its way to the surface of her fear. The irony of such belief in the second Prime sent a ring of amusement through Soundwave, and thus, his reply held a somewhat cheerful ring: "If you say so."

"I know so."

Stubborn now. Intoxicating. He could leap for joy, if he was a more emotionally inclined mech. As it was, he merely decided to settle such defiance with use of a psychological tactic: "Must you be so aggressive? After all my services in transporting and_... massaging _you, it saddens me to be repaid by dislike."

The lack of speech and the sense of her utterly shocked expression, her bout of defiance rendered useless by remembering exactly what her car was; a sentient-being equipped with super-advanced sensors. And she- She'd been sitting on a seat made of said sentient-being.

Laserbeak cackled again, listening in as usual, and Soundwave smugly remarked: "I win."

The girl clutched her face in her hands and let out a muffled groan:

"I hate this car..."


End file.
